Mamata's on a fast

Mamata Bannerjee is undertaking some fast to allegedly protest against some shit (that I'm too bored to elaborate on) Of course, it is just another stunt to get her some much wanted attention.
I just hope she starves and dies!

Auntyji's Phonecalls

An aunt of mine in Simla, a very sweet and concerned lady.. calls us every sunday and insists on letting us know all the possible notable and trivial events that occured in her life during the past week. And asks all about us in return too. She does this every sunday which is all very sweet except for the fact that she makes these calls at 6am.... I MEAN,SIX AM... on a sunday morning...!! Here I am at 6 AM on a sunday morning , all groggy from a hangover and she is all chirpy and enthusiastic..... ufff

My pompous friend

Satya my friend goes on and on about himself. This is a sample of his talks...

"I stopped working for that afternoon newspaperbecause i became much sought after and at the risk of becoming a page three celebrity myself, something too dreadful and fairly nauseating. Marriage was never on the cards for me, but mind you that does not necessarily mean that there was a dearth of proposals. Girls have been throwing themselves at me left right and centre, ever since puberty"

I took a quick lookat his 39" waist, sagging boobs-one of which pointed to the south west and the other to the south east, ebbing hairlineand said, "yes, i believe you Satya, you were always the smooth ladykiller. There wasnt any girl who could resist your charms.

" It was really nice meeting you Satya."

"Yes Prem, in fact I didnt know wh would be such a nice guy. I found you quite stuck up in college."

Whew..................

Different People Love Chicken Differently

While lazing on a Sunday afternoon at a friend’s place after a particularly hectic night of revelry, he earnestly asked us if we were in the mood to watch some unintentionally hilarious porn.

Always the one to love things, people, and events that fall under the category , ‘unintentionally hilarious’ I jumped at the offer and asked him to play it on without any significant delay.

Credits rolled, faces and the pseudonyms of the main players appeared as a montage (I was marveling at how things have become so professional for this genre of cinema too), and then the action began….

Humans were doing it to animals, and vice versa. “Not my cup of tea, does not thrill me, does not arouse me, I’m not into this kinda stuff” I kept mumbling these grumbles while he asked me to wait and watch…he forwarded it to some scene in which it noticed a naked man sitting alone on a couch, playing with something really fluffy and really noisy that he held over his lap. On closer inspection I found that it was… a hen !!

I mean, the poor hen yaar… cudn’t he get any other animal? Screeching, clucking like a banshee the hens feathers were flying all over the place, but our man was heedless and continued his frenzied, relentless and abnormally aggressive lovemaking to the fowl, pretty evidently enjoying his act and almost proud of it.

And then…. maybe the hen decided to rather die than endure all that any longer.

So the hen died.

But he continued doing it to the dead hen till he climaxed, after which he dismounted the hen off his member and used whatever feathers were left on it to wipe himself clean. Later he threw the hen away, randomly slapped his own thighs and his own behind while giving satisfied groans. The camera panned on the dead hen for a few seconds till it faded into the next episode.

What a waste of a hen. I love my hens too, but cooked, not fucked. I wish someone had cooked it and made some nice chicken tikka, instead of just fucking it to death.

What am I doing with these People?

Character Assassination seems to be the most favorite hobby of people I know. Or is it that I happen to be friendly only with superbitches, male and female.

Sample the kind of things I have been told by various friends, relatives and acquaintences about others lately:-

1) Arre, she!!! She is one big slut yaar. You just have to go honk your car horn below her balocny at night and she will come in and give u a good time (actually the word that was used was not good time, it was an explanation of a graphic sexual act)

2) He is hopelessly gay. He made a pass at me yaar. I was shocked. I felt yucked out. I thought he had a girlfriend.

3) If she keeps on getting more of those botox treatments, a day will come when her eyebrows reach her scalp

4) And then he puked in my car !!!!! I tell you this is what happens when you put Tamilians in a car

5) I was served watermelons during my shoot, and she wasnt. So I just had to tell her, "Darling watermelons are only for the upper class"

6) Eeks, she is nothing but a measly Vishwa Hindu Parishad member. Can you imagine going to temples and chanting shlokas everyday.

7) Next time ask her to stay away from me. I cant be seen standing next to a girl who still wears low waist jeans. They are so 2003.

What say? Dont you think I need to change the set of people I intermingle with?

Tendering a Resignation

Mohan a colleague of mine resigned from the services to our company recently, and this was a drab and deceptive parting email he sent to all of us at office
----------------------
Dear All

I want to take a moment to let you know that I am leaving my position at Intelenet. I have enjoyed my tenure here and appreciate having the opportunity to work with you all.

Thank you for the support, guidance and encouragement you have provided me during my time at Intelenet.

Even though I will miss my colleagues and the company, I am looking forward to this new challenge and to starting a new phase of my career.

Please keep in touch, I can be reached at my personal email address blahblahblah@rediffmail.com or at home-98&%^&%^&%^&%^

Thanks once again for everything.

Yours truly,

Mohan

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I sincerely wish Mohan had been slightly more frank, forthright and honest in his mail. Maybe something like this would have been much more an interesting and enjoyable read, maybe I would do it while leaving..


Dear All

I want to take a moment to rub it into you guys that while I am leaving my position at Intelenet, you dumb oafs will still rot here for more. I dont know what I hated more here.. my workstation? my work per se? or was it just all of you guys? and dont know what must I have done to deserve this hideous misfortune of working with you all.

Thank you for all the bickering, back biting, one-upmanship games and wheeling dealings that you subjected me to during my time at Intelenet.

Man, am I glad to get rid of all of you fro0m my existance permanently!!

Fuck off and never stay in touch with me, coz im changing my email id, and my mobile number too

Balls to you,

Mohan
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There, isn't that much better?

The Open Air Horse Laterine

Imagine a beach that has more horse pee than sea water

Imagine a beach that has more horse dung than sand

Imagine a beach infested with masseurs who vend various nefarious services other than a massage

Imagine a beach lined with food stalls that sell, besides snacks, some rare strains of cholera, jaundice and associated food poisonings.

Now stop imagining and go find it all in real. Welcome to Juhu Beach, Mumbai!!

Juhu beach, is not a beach.. it should be renamed 'Juhu Open Air Horse Laterine' what with all those horse driven carriages that joyous and excitable tourists insist on taking a ride on to derive some kind of thrills.

It is easily the world's worst water front and I feel sick everytime I have walked on it. And that people still want to go there baffles me beyond imagination.